Which Bride is Which?
by Bungaroon
Summary: Shinning Star Lily Dee Lemon is just trying to get married to her one and only love, the hot and dumb James Potter, but in the midst of her happy day, an old enemy resurfaces. (Hint: It's Snape)
1. Chapter 1: Two Years Later

AN: IIIIIIIIIMMMM BAAAAAAAACCCKKK! Hi. Welcome to my sequel! As it was with the first one, this is a parody that comes from a place of love and is not intended to be offensive. If you haven't read my first story, Which Witch is Which, I urge you to read that before this, and then come back and read this. And also favorite and review both of them. ENJOY! (:

Disclaimer: Tara Gilesbie owns parts of the plot that I stole from her without permission, J.K. Rowling owns the parts of the plot that I stole from her, and Waterrain owns the name, Shinning Star Lily Dee Lemon.

* * *

 **Chapter 1: Two Years Later**

When I woke up this morning, I was very happy, because today is my wedding day! It is also Christmas, because James and I wanted to get married on the same day that we got engaged! Isn't that just the sweetest?

I rolled over to look beside me in bed, and I was surprised to find… Nobody!

Hmmm. That's odd.

OMIGOD! Snape must've murdered James in ghost form!

I began to hyperventilate. I always knew that nothing would be able to stop Snape, not even death. He never really cared about James, though. Probably because he was too stupid. So this must just be another means by which he can torture me.

I let out a sob. Snape had just ruined my wedding day! I was no longer happy.

I continued crying loudly for several minutes, until someone entered my house!

I froze, terrified. Snape was back to finish me off! I grabbed my wand and murmured, "Turno Batto." The incantation worked as it was supposed to, and turned my wand into a baseball bat. I swung it over my shoulder and crept down the hall.

The second I saw something move, I swung with all of my might. Snape screeched and fell to the floor unconscious.

I turned on the lights, only to find that it wasn't Snape at all! It was…Mimi!

* * *

AN: Oh no, poor Mimi. It only gets worse... Also, I called my note an author's note! Progress!


	2. Chapter 2: Everything is Okay

AN: very short chapter, but you win some you lose some. As it was with the first story of my series, this is already complete. I plan on this being a four part series, but let's just see how it goes.

Disclaimer:

There once was a girl not named bone

Harry Potter she did not own

J.K. Rowling claimed that role

Not-bone didn't stole

Harry Potter even though she wanted it very badly...

I hate to say it, but that's not even the worst limerick I've ever written

* * *

 **Chapter 2: Everything is okay... Except for Mimi**

Oh no! Had I just attacked an innocent? Or was my own best friend conspiring against me?

"Mimi! Wake up!" I shouted, frantically shaking her lifeless form.

Mimi groggily sat up. "Lily? What's going on? I came over to help you get ready for the wedding, and the next thing I know… Actually, I don't know. What happened?"

She looked up at me, and I could see that her eyes were completely crossed. Oh no! I broke Mimi! "Why can't I see anything?" Mimi asked me.

Fuck.

"I don't know," I told her. "Wait, where's James?" I asked, remembering my plight suddenly.

Mimi blinked her very crossed eyes at me. "James slept over at Sirius' remember? So that he wouldn't see you before the wedding."

I rolled my eyes. I was so stupid.

* * *

AN: Poor Mimi. In other news, though, you should review this if you liked it, hated it, if you want me to write you more limericks, if you want me to never try my hand at poetry...


	3. Chapter 3: Getting Ready

AN: It's currently 12:26 AM where I live, so I don't really have much to say. Oh! Wait! The C key on my laptop isn't _completely_ dysfunctional, but I have to press it twice as hard for a C to show up. Literally every time I type out a word with the letter C in it, I forget, and then I have to type the word up again. It's just really annoying.

Disclaimer: You can bet your ass that not only did I have to retype disClaimer, but I also own nothing.

* * *

 **Chapter 3: Getting Ready**

With the danger passed, Mimi and I set about preparing for my wedding.

"Hey, Mimi, did you pick up the cake yet?"

"Oh no!" Mimi squealed. "I knew I forgot something!" She smacked her already concussed forehead, which caused her to promptly collapse.

I hauled her up. "Go do that, and while you're at it, I need you to make sure that Sirius and James don't forget to bring the flowers for the reception."

She saluted and ran off in the opposite direction of the front door. I sighed. She would figure it out eventually.

Nowadays, James and I spend the majority of our time above water, so we're rarely able to enjoy life from our true forms. But it's okay, because the ceremony is taking place in the great lake at _Hogwarts: School for Magical Mermaids_. James and I had some difficulty deciding on a venue at first, but the great lake turned out to be perfect! It's underwater, it's at _Hog warts: School for Magical Mermaids_ , where we met and fell and love, and it makes it very convenient for principal Dumbledore to officiate. It'll be the wedding of the century!

Neptune knows how long Mimi will take, so I decided to begin getting myself ready.

I began with the usual stuff. I showered, dried my hair, and had begun working on my makeup, when someone entered my house.

I picked up my wand and turned it into a baseball bat once more. I swung it over my shoulder, and crept down the hall.

"Lily, I'm home!"

Oh thank Neptune, it was only Mimi. I walked to the kitchen, where Mimi was, very excited to see my cake.

You see, it was Vanilla with buttercream frosting. Chocolate used to be my favorite, but then it made me fat. That's embarrassing though, so I just tell everyone that I am allergic to it. Vanilla has really grown on me though.

I opened the cake box only to find... Chocolate!

"Mimi, you got the wrong cake! You know that I can't eat chocolate because I'm allergic," I lied. "Omg, Lily, it's just that I still can't really see..." She trailed off.

I sighed, "It's fine. I'll just not have cake at my own wedding reception." I turned away dramatically and went back to my bathroom.

* * *

AN: God fucking dammit my Lily is such and asshole...


	4. Chapter 4: Our Arrival

AN: Well Goddammit. I'm genuinely ashamed of how short this chapter is. Do better, me!

Disclaimer: It is I, Joanne K-something Rowling, supreme ruler of the wizarding world. Did I fool you? No? Okay.

* * *

 **Chapter 4: Our Arrival**

With Mimi's help, I managed to do my makeup and hair and good time. Which was also good because my wedding was taking place in an hour!

We put the dress in its dress bag and carefully carried the dress and the cake to my flying Ferrari. We got in, too, and sped off to _Hogwarts: School for Magical Mermaids_.

When we arrived, Sirius ran out to greet us and carry the cake inside to the Great Hall, where he, Remus, Peter, and Jiminy were setting up for the reception.

James had left to change in an unused classroom a few minutes ago apparently, so I headed off to do the same.

I eventually found one in the dungeons.

I locked the door and pulled out my dress. It was so beautiful I thought I would die.

I put it on and then yelled to Mimi to come in and fasten the various buttons and zippers.

* * *

AN: Just in case you didn't catch that, Lily is changing in the _DUNGEONS_ , as in, the place where she was kidnapped and almost killed by Snape two years ago... Yeah, that's some ominous shit right there.


	5. Chapter 5: Things Start to go South

AN: Wow, it's been a while! Sorry! I'm really excited for this chapter, though, because this is the beginning of the CLIMAX! Yay.

* * *

 **Chapter 5: Things Start to go South**

When Mimi walked in, she began crying.

"Mimi! What's wrong?"

She just sobbed louder. "You look so beautiful, and I can't see you! And I don't even know why!"

Awww, Mimi was so sweet sometimes. When she said that, I felt so guilty. I had to tell her.

"… I know why."

Mimi looked up at what she probably thought was my face, but was in actuality, my boobs. How short does she think I am?

"You do?"

I took a deep breath. "I thought you were Snape and that you had just murdered James. You know how I am in the mornings. I had just woken up, and it was dark, and I just … reacted. I'm sorry, Mimi. I didn't mean to hurt you."

Mimi stared at my boobs in shock. After a few seconds, she stormed out of the classroom. I ran after her.

"Mimi! Wait! I'm sorry! Also, you can't see! Sorry about that again!"

But she only sped up.

I tried to follow, but my dress was still undone, and I fell down. I tried to get back up, but somebody sat on me.

"Hello, Shinning Star Lily Dee Lemon."

I gasped. It was… Snape! Back from the dead!

The last thing I remembered was that I was supposed to be getting married right now.

And then I blacked out.

* * *

AN: Duh DUh DUHHHHH!

Also, I am on summer holiday and will most likely have much free time. I have two goals: finish this series and upload it, and finish and uplaod a fic that I've been working on for a few months - that is _not_ a parody - and will hopefully receive more attention? Please? Either way, I love everyone that's ever read this, favorited it, followed it, and a review would be nice? Positive or negative, I just would really enjoy feedback.


	6. Chapter 6: Nurse Saves the Day!

AN: HI THIS IS A SHORTISH, FILLER CHAPTER, BUT IT HAD TO HAPPEN AND WOW I JUST REALIZED THAT MY CAPS LOCK IS ON AND I COULD CHANGE IT BUT I DON'T WANT TO.

Disclaimer: I forgot to do a disclaimer for last chapter, but I'm too lazy to go back and fix it so just pretend. I don't own anything that is owned by J.K. Rowling.

* * *

 **Chapter 6: Nurse Saves the Day!**

I woke up hog-tied in a closet.

I tried to sit up and look around, but I couldn't.

That bastard tied me up with my own veil! But the joke's on him, because I dropped my wand in my bra while I was putting on my dress and forgot about it, so I still have my wand. Ha!

I carefully picked it up with my teeth and dropped it into my bound hands.

"Turno Scissoro!" I demanded, and my wand transformed into a pair of scissors.

I chopped and hacked at my veil for several minutes, but it was futile. I leaned up against the closet door in frustration, and to my surprise, I fell right out.

It turns out that the door was unlocked the entire time. I rolled my eyes. Snape was so stupid.

I still couldn't prop myself up, though, so I rolled down the dungeon corridor.

After rolling up many flights of stairs, I reached the great hall. "Help!" I screamed.

I heard some footsteps, and craned my neck to see who they belonged to. It was… Nurse!

"Oh thank Triton! Nurse! I'm late for my wedding! Hurry! Untie me!

"No need." Nurse grunted. She ripped my veil apart with one tug.

I thanked her profusely and ran out of the doors of the great hall. I ran back a moment later.

"Hey, Nurse? Do you want to come to my wedding?"

She eyed me suspiciously. Then, "Okay, bad child." And with that, she followed me outside.

When we reached the shore of the great lake, we each removed our respective leg charms and dove on in.

* * *

AN: I just love Nurse.


	7. Chapter 7: The Wedding

AN: I really like this chapter... Hehe he hehehehehe

Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter or My Immortal

* * *

 **Chapter 7: The Wedding**

The wedding was taking place at the bottom of the great lake, so it took us quite a few minutes to arrive, giving me plenty of time to sort out my list of priorities.

1\. Find James. Tell him about Snape.

2\. Find Principal Dumbledore. Tell him about Snape.

3\. Get Married.

4\. Have sex with James.

5\. Catch Snape.

6\. Find Mimi. Take her to the hospital.

That sounded about right.

Soon after, we reached the clearing that James and I had decided upon for our ceremony. I was so excited. Everyone must have been out of their minds with worry. I couldn't wait to see the relief on all of their faces when I swam down like a goddess.

I drifted into the wedding, only to find… That the wedding had gone on without me! I was so offended! But wait, who was that walking down the aisle towards James in the shittiest wedding dress I had ever seen?

It was… SNAPE!

It looked like my list of priorities would have to be adjusted.

By this time, Snape had reached the end of the aisle, and was vowing to James in front of Dumbledore.

"Do you promise to swim happily together for all eternity?" Dumbledore was asking.

James smiled lovingly at Snape, "I do."

I rolled my eyes. James was so stupid.

I can't believe he actually though that that was me.

"I do." Snape squeaked in return, in the literal worst impression of me that I had ever heard.

Why was no one able to tell the two of us apart? His dress was just an oversized white t-shirt, and his veil was poorly constructed out of toilet paper! For fuck's sake!

As they leaned in for the kiss, I snapped out my shock.

"NO!"

* * *

AN: Oooooooh things are really heating uuuuup! Also, this story, much like the previous one, is 12 chapters long and already complete. I have already mapped out and begun working on the third addition to the series, but who knows... My work ethic is usually horrendous, but I'm rereading Commentarius for, like, the 8th time which has me very motivated. All I can really say is... we'll see. I would really like to finish this, for myself, obviously, since very few people are reading this, and I hardly ever complete things so... we'll see.


	8. Chapter 8: More of the Wedding

AN: This is like, a month late, but that's okay, because nobody reads this. Sorry, didn't mean to go all self-pity-y on you, I'M OKAY.

Disclaimer: I own NOTHinG. Literally nothing. I was in a fire. JUST KIDDING. Wow that wasn't funny. I really need to remember not to make jokes about fire/losing all of my possessions. Christ, I'm insensitive!

* * *

 **Chapter 8: More of the Wedding**

James froze. "Lily?" He asked in confusion.

"Yes, you idiot!" I shouted.

"That," I pointed at my impersonator, "Is Snape!"

Everyone gasped.

"He knocked me out, tied me up – with my own veil, by the way – and locked me in a closet! On my wedding day, no less!"

Everyone gasped again.

"Don't listen to her!" Snape squeaked. " _I'm_ Lily! That's obviously Snape trying to trick you all!"

Everyone gasped again.

I switched gears, "James! C'mon, James. You know it's me. I'm the real Lily."

Snape glared at me. "No, James." He drawled in that awful falsetto, "It's me. I love you. Don't let her – I mean him – fool you like this." He pointed at me, and I could see that poor James had absolutely no idea which bride was which.

I sighed.

Snape and I continued in that fashion for quite some time, until James, at last, spoke up.

"Lily?" He called, his face alight with an idea.

Both Snape and I turned to look at him. "Yes?"

James took a deep breath. "What did we say to each other the first night that we had sex?" He pointed at Snape. "You first."

Snape batted his eyelashes, "That we love each other, silly."

James turned to me, and I scoffed, "That was two years ago. How the hell am I supposed to know that off the top of my head?"

James positively beamed. "Lily!" He swam to me and enveloped me in a massive hug.

Principal Dumbledore coughed deliberately and we broke apart. Snape was tied up next to him.

I raced over to him. I had some questions.

"Why do you keep assuming my identity?" I demanded.

He ignored me.

"Are you obsessed with me? Are you obsessed with James?" I went on. "At first, I thought that it was about Slughorn, but he's dead, and here we are."

Snape continued to ignore me, so I smacked him in the face.

When it became apparent that Snape would not be talking, Dumbledore whistled and a cop car dove down to our clearing. An officer climbed out from the driver's seat, cuffed Snape's hands behind his back, and began to take him away.

"Wait!" I called. "One answer. Just one."

Without meeting my eye, Snape muttered, "It wasn't about you. It was never about you."

* * *

AN: Whoaaaaa. Deep, right? Just kidding.


	9. Chapter 9: Even More of the Wedding

AN: Hi. It's been... A while. I've been even more distracted than usual, but I am determined to finish uploading this story, even though I probably won't finish writing the series. Shit, though, it was gonna be so goood. I had it all planned out, there was death, deceit, betrayal, comedy, war, Voldemort... I know, straight out of a telenovela! He. Hehe. Hehehe.

Disclaimer: Yo no owno los libros de Harry Potter, or the bad Jane the Virgin joke I just made. Wait, shit. I meant to write that in Spanish.

* * *

 **Chapter 9: Even More of the Wedding**

Do Doo Do Dooo Do Do Do Doooo Do Do Do Doooo Dooo Do Doo Do Dooooooo

The wedding march had never sounded quite so beautiful as I swept down the aisle.

James stood at the altar, and his smile was so radiant that I forgot to be annoyed at him, for once. Everyone I loved was sitting in that clearing. Everyone except for Mimi. My heart gave a pang when I recalled what had happened the last time we spoke. After this, I really needed to find Mimi. I needed to tell her how sorry I was again. I also needed to take her to St. Mango's, the best magical hospital in the country.

By this time, I had arrived at the altar.

Principal Dumbledore smiled at me and I smiled back. He then gestured for James and I to join hands, and we did so.

"Do you, James Potter, vow to swim happily with Lily for all of eternity?"

James smiled sweetly at me. "I do."

I placed the ring on his finger.

"And you, Shinning Star Lily Dee Lemon, do you vow to swim happily with James for all of eternity?" Dumbledore continued.

"I do." James placed my ring on my finger.

"With the power invested in me by my dear friend, the giant squid, I now pronounce you mer-husband, and mer-wife. You may kiss each other on the face." Principal Dumbledore stepped back, looking very pleased with himself.

James and I kissed.

It was magical.

* * *

AN: So there we are! They're married! Yay!


	10. Chapter 10: The Reception

AN: Hey. I'm back. I had a bunch of goals for this summer, the break specifically, and I completed... None of them. I did work on them, though. I'll upload the rest of this fic today, but as for the other one I'm working on... Well, it'll be a while. See, you imaginary readers may be wondering why I bother leaving these author's notes apologizing for not posting often enough when my only readers are imaginary, but it's really a matter of letting myself down. I guess the fact that I worked on it all summer counts for something, but I really wanted to follow through with something. For once.

Disclaimer: I don't even know why I have to make these, especially since nobody even reads this, but I don't own Harry Potter. Duh.

* * *

 **Chapter 10: The Reception**

Once the ceremony ended, we all swam up to the surface of the lake, gave ourselves legs, and dried ourselves off. We, of course, being the attendees of the wedding: Sirius, Remus, Peter, Jiminy, Nurse, Principal Dumbledore, the rest of our teachers from _Hogwarts: School for Magical Mermaids_ , my few friends from school, and James' family. Not mine though. They weren't mermaids, so they wouldn't have been able to come, even if they were still alive.

We walked to the great hall, which was beautifully decorated, something that I had been unable to appreciate the last time I dropped by. Or rather – rolled by. The floor was covered with sand to represent to the ocean theme to our special day. As for the whole "Christmas thing," the ceiling had been enchanted to dust us with a magic-made flurry of snowflakes. There were real, live starfish, penguins, seahorses, and polar bears hanging from the ceiling.

James and I made our way over to our cake, intent on passing out slices before the dancing began. As James opened the cake box, I caught sight of that chocolate cake that a blind Mimi had accidentally purchased from Cakes & Cauldrons, my favorite bakery/potion-supply shop.

I promptly burst into tears.

James pulled me aside. "Hey, are you okay?"

I nodded through my tears. "Yeah. It's just that Mimi and I had a falling out…" and with that, I finally filled James in on all of the drama of the day.

"…And then she just kept running and I don't know where she went. And on top of that, I've just been so randomly emotional all day!" I cried even louder once I finished.

James swept me into a hug. "You just made a mistake and didn't handle the aftermath very well. And besides, Mimi will be fine. Whatever's wrong with her is nothing for those doctors at St. Mango's."

I blinked up at him. "But how will we find her?"

James only squeezed me tighter. "We Marauders have spent hours learning every nook and cranny of this castle. If anyone can find her, it's me, and she can't have gone far in her state."

I smiled at him and he smiled back. James wasn't perfect, not by a long-shot, but he was sweet, and he loved me, and I loved him, and that was enough for me.

"You know, James, you just may be smarter than people give you credit for."

* * *

AN: You should know that the defining characteristic of this story is that there really is little to no planning. Usually that leads to insanity, but this time it brought me this lovely Jily scene that I had no intentions of writing. That's how much I love jily, It just seeps out of me.


	11. Chapter 11: Dancing, Fire, and Mimi

AN: Man, this chapter sucks. It's basically just a nothing chapter, a means of connecting the aftermath of the wedding and taking Mimi to St. Mango's, which I did actually have a plan for.

Disclaimer: "Harry Potter do not I own," croaked Yoda, who I also do not own.

* * *

 **Chapter 11: Dancing, Fire, and Mimi**

James and I are good at dancing.

Like, really good.

He gave me one last twirl to finish up to our first dance as a married couple. Yes, I needed to find Mimi, but I was going to dance with my husband first.

Just then, Sirius ran up to us.

"Ugh, go away," I told him.

He ignored me.

"You guys! There's a fire!"

James and I exchanged looks of shock.

James was the first to recover. "Where?"

Sirius pointed at Dumbledore, who was, indeed, on fire.

We raced across the room until we reached him. James and I hoisted him above our heads and dunked his entire body into the punch bowl.

With that confusing situation dealt with, I knew that there was no more delaying it. I needed to go find Mimi, right now, and if she didn't forgive me, well, then that was that.

I notified James on the change of plans, and we were off to find Mimi.

It took us about half an hour, but eventually we discovered her folded in half, upside down, on the top shelf of a broom closet, completely unconscious.

Together, James and I carried her to my flying Ferrari, and we flew to St. Mango's.

* * *

AN: I um... Think I covered it all in my first note, so... Bye! Review!


	12. Chapter 12: St Mango's

AN: I did it! It's the last chapter! Here's the thing, though, I planned to write two more parts of this series. There was "Which Mommy is Which", which takes us through James and Lily joining the order and having Harry. I had a couple of chapters written out, but as I said in another chapter, I probably won't finish it. Then there was.. I don't think I named it yet, but it was going to be a oneshot about the night they died.

Disclaimer: I don't own Harry Potter, but I wish I did. If I did, I could make people stop romanticizing Snily, I could actually be a good writer, I could officially deem The Life And Times canon, and I wouldn't have to go back to school in three days.

* * *

 **Chapter 12: St. Mango's  
**

When we arrived, James and I carried Mimi through the front doors, and this weird, beeping machine. We stopped at the front desk. Upon seeing us, a doctor hurriedly escorted us to the nearest room, promising to be back soon with the diagnosis, which was odd, because she hadn't even been examined yet.

After a few minutes had gone by, Mimi gave a start and awoke suddenly.

"Mimi!" I squealed, relieved to see that she wasn't dead.

"Lily?" she asked, trying – and failing – to sit up.

"Yes, Mimi! It's me! I'm so sorry about earlier, you're my best friend. I love you, and I never meant to hurt you. Please forgive me."

Mimi smiled at the wall over my shoulder, "Of course I forgive you, Lily. You're my best friend, too." We hugged. Just then, the doctor walked in, carrying three medical files in his arms.

"I assume this is a joint visit?"

None of us knew what that meant, as we had never been here before, so I nodded hesitantly.

"Alright, we'll start with you," he said to a barely conscious Mimi.

"Our scanner reported a major concussion from blunt force trauma. Do you know how this could have happened?" he addressed James and I this time.

"Um…Yeah…" I began. "It was – wait! Your scanner?"

He nodded. "That machine by the main entrance automatically scans everyone that passes by it. These," he gestured to the files in his hands, "contain the medical information from the three of you that our scanner was able to detect."

I blinked.

He returned his attention to Mimi in my silence. "Endo Concussiono."

Mimi gave a little jerk and collapsed, unconscious.

"She'll sleep for a few hours, but when she wakes up she'll be as good as new."

I blinked again.

"Okay… but what about us?" I said, waving my arm between James and me.

"Well, the scanner somehow picked up signs of dementia from that one," he said, nodding his head James, who was now trying to catch a fly that nobody else could see.

The doctor coughed awkwardly and continued, "and hey, congrats! You're pregnant!"

"What?"

 **The End**

* * *

This is it. The end. But, if you want me to finish the series I will. Seriously. If someone left a review telling me that they wanted me to write more then I would drop EVERYTHING and do it. I have become so desperate for attention on this site. It's nuts. When I first started posting fic I was just thrilled that anybody had clicked on it, but the more I write and the harder I work I just find myself wanting to give up. It feels futile when nobody even has anything to say about my work. I know that this is only my second fic, and a parody at that, but writing is really fucking hard, and I love it, but motivation isn't easy for me, and if I feel like nobody cares, then it's just really hard to keep writing. Anyway, if you happen upon this fic, please review. Tell me what you like, tell me what you don't like, and check out my other fics. Or my favorites list. I've spent years scoping out the good Jily so... Enjoy. Bye!


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